People-Pleasing and Boundaries

As a therapist, one of the most common themes I encounter in sessions is people-pleasing—this deep-rooted desire to be liked, accepted, and needed by others. What we don’t realize is that this desire is often at the expense of one’s own emotional well-being. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

People-pleasing often develops in childhood. It might’ve started as a way to avoid conflict in a chaotic household, or to gain approval in environments where love felt conditional. Over time, this strategy happens without you even thinking about it: say yes, keep the peace, don’t rock the boat.

You may ask, why is this problematic?

Chronic people-pleasing can lead to burnout, resentment, and a disconnection from your authentic self. That’s where boundaries come in. Boundaries are not walls to shut people out, but instead more of a fence to determine varying levels of access for healthier relationships.

Boundaries are an example of self-love.

They sound like, “I can't take this on right now,” or “I need some time to think about that.” stablishing boundaries can cause discomfort, especially at first. You might feel guilt, anxiety, or fear of rejection. That’s okay. That’s your nervous system adjusting to a new, healthier you.

What I often remind my clients is this: every time you set a boundary, you’re telling yourself, “My needs matter too.” And when you do that consistently, you’re not just protecting yourself, you’re setting expectations of what healthy relationships should look like.

So, if you’ve been feeling overextended and constantly saying yes when you mean no, consider this your gentle nudge. Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re essential.

Sasha Rodriguez, LCSW

Healing Grounds Wellness Center

care@healinggroundswc.com 

609-475-2560

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