Aug 72 min read

I'm in a Threesome and I Didn't Know It: Me, My Partner, and Trauma

Updated: Aug 10

That BIG "T" Word!

Have you ever felt like there's something standing between you and your partner, preventing you from getting closer?

Like there's an invisible barrier keeping you from truly connecting? Well, that mysterious third party in your relationship is often trauma. Yes, that big T word! Let's take a moment to explore what trauma is and how it can intrude into your relationship.

The Unseen Intruder: Trauma

Trauma can feel like an unwanted guest in your relationship, showing up uninvited, causing chaos, and wreaking havoc. You may find yourself stuck in repetitive arguments, patterns such as anger, or feeling disconnected, despite having conversations about what NOT to do. Why does this happen? It's because unresolved trauma has a sneaky way of resurfacing, especially when left unaddressed.

Unresolved trauma often manifests as triggers, and who better to trigger you than the person closest to you? That's right, your partner. This is the threesome you're living with—trauma is that third wheel in your relationship. It sleeps with you, haunts you, travels with you, and comes back at unexpected times. For instance, your spouse might say something seemingly harmless, and suddenly, you're flooded with intense emotions, lashing out because of past familiar feelings that you do not like. It's not always about the words spoken; it's often about the unresolved trauma lurking in the background.

Your Partner Is Not the Enemy

YES!! It’s not him, it’s not her!! People, your spouse or partner is not the enemy! It's the trauma—that's the enemy. It's essential to recognize that your partner isn't the source of your pain; the unresolved trauma is. Understanding this can shift your perspective and help you work together to combat the real issue.

Breaking Free from the Threesome

So, what do you do now? The first step is to acknowledge the presence of trauma and its impact on your relationship. Finding a therapist specializing in trauma can be a game-changer. They can help you navigate through your past experiences and address the root causes of your emotional responses.

Couples counseling can also be incredibly beneficial. One effective technique is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which helps couples identify and express their emotions, fostering a deeper connection. We'll delve into EFT in more detail in a future blog, but for now, know that it's a powerful tool for breaking free from the grip of trauma.

Find Your Freedom

It's time to kick the unwanted guest—TRAUMA—out of your relationship. By seeking help and addressing these deep-seated rooted issues, you can start to reclaim your freedom and build a healthier, more connected relationship with your partner. Remember, you deserve to live without the constant shadow of trauma.

I hope this blog post resonates with you and offers some insight into the complex dynamics of relationships affected by trauma. Remember, help is available, and healing is possible. Let's get rid of the third wheel and find your freedom!

If you or someone you know is dealing with these issues, don't hesitate to reach out to Healing Grounds Wellness Center. We are here to support you both!